Sunday, June 28, 2009
How does one decide how many children to have? Are we always given that choice? Who are these women that don't want to have any children at all? Do they feel this from the core of their being, or do they feel being a mom is not an option due to life's circumstances? To have an only child...seems scary to me. What if you need a kidney? To miss out on the love of a sibling seems sad. I have 2-a boy & a girl. I could certainly rationalize stopping there. My own mom did. My sister-in-law wants four. A close friend of mine from high school has four. (God love her) Lately I feel like "3" is the new "2". Some days I want another. other days I want to sleep. I love being a mom but I love my new career. You can try to say I could have it all but we all know that's not true. Something has to give. The magic of quickening, that first sono, the moment you see their beautiful face...priceless. Makes you forget the all-day sickness, back pain, bed rest, & back labor. Ahhhh...what's a girl to do? ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville
Saturday, June 27, 2009
...so yesterday i slipped, fell, and bust my a-s-s. on my way into work. there was no warning, no flailing about. i was up. then i was down. i got up, didn;t look back, and hobbled into my building. i tried ignoring the pain. but when my foot became numb and tingly and the pain began radiating up to my hip..i realized i was yet again fucked. this is not the 1st time i have fallen. often i trip (over nothing) but then catch myself. so one of my lawyers tells me to file a comp claim and go to the f-ing DR. so i did. btw...don't fall in a dress. so i spent the afternoon (starving) at urgent care. got 12 x-rays. turns out i sprained my knee the worse, my ankle secondary & "strained" my hip. he offered a knee immobilizer. no thanks. crutches. have some in the garage. ice & rest. with 2 kids? he would have given me pain pills but i already take enough to kill a horse for my back. pills that make most people loopy-i have the tolerance of a 200 lb. lumberjack. so yes my friends..i am a fucking klutz.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I am running away from facebook, twitter, myspace, the television, and the radio. I do not want to hear about nothing but Michael Jackson. In the 80's I adored him. But let's be honest, he got really weird as time went on. Not to mention the pubescent boys & the animals. But for the next 3 days all we will hear about is what a legend he was & all of the media snakes that badgered and belittled him when he was alive will be singing his praises.
Why do we do that when someone dies? Someone we didn't like very much or were not close to -we somehow ignore those true feelings and our guilt enables us to act like idiots at wakes and funerals. "Oh, I loved so & so.." You hadn't talked to so & so in years!
I'm babbling. Peace.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
...how did I get here? Where is the wild, crazy, loud, drunk, horny, girl? When did I stop being phased by puke, or snot, or poop? Where the hell are my boobs? My firm buttocks? My flat stomach? When did I start requiring sleep & lose the ability to pull an all-nighter? When did I start working in an office of all places? How did I come to realize that looks mean absolutely nothing & that someone you can laugh with is worth waiting for? How many lessons did I have to learn to recognize what a true friend is?
The same time I became a mom. The only title that matters. The only job you don't get paid for yet you are rewarded every day. If I were to do nothing else but be the mother of Ali & Kai-I have done more than enough for a lifetime.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
..that women don't support other women? That we compete, compare, critique? We say we are "friends" and then talk behind each others backs. We say we are happy for each other & seethe inside. Sometimes I hate other women for making us look bad. For perpetuating the stereotypes bestowed upon us. For crying rape when it was just a mistake. For using abortions as a form of birth control. For "trapping" a man by getting pregnant, after not taking your pill. (please note the man is equally responsible) For acting dumb. For not respecting yourself. For being pathetic. Should I support these women more? Should they care more about themselves before I can care about them?
Monday, June 22, 2009
...what people are really thinking? In this photo I am on my honeymoon. In Maui. I look happy, right? Inside I am screaming. I have already realized that I have made the biggest mistake of my life. (and I have made some doozies) Nobody caught on. Not even my "husband". Sometimes I think we want someone to break our facade. To call us out. Later, after I had filed for divorce; my friends told me they knew. Well why the fuck didn't you say something? Slap me across the face? How did they reply? We thought you knew what you were doing. Marrying someone I didn't love, who wasn't my type & didn't deserve me much less my daughter? For the love of God-clearly I was in need of an intervention. How do we know when to speak up? And when to mind our own damn business?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
...that women don't support other women? That we compete, compare, critique? We say we are "friends" and then talk behind each others backs. We say we are happy for each other & seethe inside. Sometimes I hate other women for making us look bad. For perpetuating the stereotypes bestowed upon us. For crying rape when it was just a mistake. For using abortions as a form of birth control. For "trapping" a man by getting pregnant, after not taking your pill. (please note the man is equally responsible) For acting dumb. For not respecting yourself. For being pathetic. Should I support these women more? Should they care more about themselves before I can care about them?
Before I had kids Father's Day meant one thing...heavy drinking. My father passed away on 12/11/03. He was extremely ill for the decade prior. Now I attempt to not be a cynical cunt once a year for the father of my children & now my own brother. Please share your stories of how hard Father's Day can be on you...for whatever reason~
Saturday, June 20, 2009
...just might be the (2nd) best job, ever. My niece Gia is one of the loves of my life. I only wish I could see her even more. It is so amazing to me how you can love someone instantaneously. That my little brother & his wife-my now sister created this beautiful little baby & I get to be her aunt..how fucking cool is that?