Are you the perfect mom?
Is your house something out of Better Homes & Gardens?
Do you make floral arrangements? Do you avoid swearing, yelling & s-e-x?
Then this blog is NOT for you.
If you are doing the best you can with what you have and can embrace your imperfections and share them with other moms-then this is the blog for you.
As a mom of three, I have a lot to say. You may not agree with all of it but I assure you it will be entertaining and provocative.
The 3rd labor & delivery should have been cake. It wasn't. I had contractions the entire pregnancy so I wasn't sure how to ever tell if I was actually in labor. Juliette was oblique so I was scheduled for a version and possible c-section (fuck that) at 11 am on July 30th. (My EDD was 7/31). I delivered her vaginally at 11:25 a.m. after arriving at the hospital at 5:00 that morning instead. I was 5 cm when we arrived. I was incredibly calm as I woke up Robbie and took the time to change my clothes, do the final packing and kiss the big kids goodbye. God bless my mom who came over around 4:30 that morning. I declined the wheelchair which made the security officer who walked us to L & D very nervous. They had to check my cervix to see if Miss J had turned and after 3 fucking people stuck their arms up my vag it was determined she was head down (albeit high) and I was 5 cm. HALFWAY folks! I spent 5-7 cm on the birthing ball, drinking cranberry juice and thinking i was the shit when all hell broke loose & I lost control of the situation. I had to pee. Really bad. They wouldn't let me go on the toilet. They told me to go in a bedpan or just let loose right there. I am far from shy but I just couldn't go for some reason. So the nurse used a catheter. I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THIS. holy burning mother of hell...but it needed to happen. After that I wet from 8-10 cm in a few minutes. I wouldn't recommend that either. I had no break from the contractions. I just wanted 30 seconds to catch my breath. My back labor was KILLING me and I wanted to cry like a bitch. I have a herniated disc in my lower back and choosing to not have the epidural may not have been my best idea this time around. So it was time to push-which I did for roughly 20 minutes. I felt like my back and hips were going to break apart. After my 3rd epi-she was born!!! My first two each weighed 7.4 & she was 8.4. I felt all 16 ounces in my nether region. In fact I am still using the spray bottle instead of TP & I refer to my lady junk as "down there". Its like a fucking war zone. I am thinking of tying the tubes.