Crazy As A Shithouse Rat

Crazy As A Shithouse Rat

Monday, August 31, 2009

I used to have OCD but now I just don't have the time

Before I had children I was the Queen of OCD. It physically hurt me when someone did the following: sat on my couch (therefore messing up the pillows I had arranged "just so"), actually used my good hand towels, basically moved ANYTHING out of its' "place", or so much as breathed near my food. Now-2 kids later-my couch & its' countless pillows look like they played 52 card pick-up, I don't even own good towels anymore, a basket is the perfect place for just about anything and I am not even phased by sharing food/drink with any child that is related to me. Much less wiping their snot on my pants/sleeve if necessary. I used to require nice things. Now I frequent the dollar spot at Target so that I can throw stuff out if anything happens to it. As for the perfect house? OVER IT! I did hire a housekeeper a few weeks ago but she went on vacation & now my kitchen floor is a little sticky. Old me-stayed up all night cleaning & sanitizing. Mom me-fuck that. Life is too short. *Please note I am not making fun of OCD-I really am nuts-I just deal with it differently. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Friday, August 28, 2009

Let's talk about...

S.E.X. Am I the only woman that is either incredibly horny or not interested AT ALL? Is it bad that sleep outranks sex?
I hate kissing during sex,I like to focus on what I am doing.
I would like to buy some {more} sex toys but I don't know where to start. They always make me laugh.
How important is sex to you?
Size matters. Period.
I adore oral pleasure. I also don;t understand why some woman do not enjoy being "fingered". "Fingering is the practice of manual manipulation of the clitoris, vagina, vulva or anus for the purpose of sexual arousal and stimulation. It is analogous to the handjob (manual stimulation of the penis), and is a common form of foreplay or mutual masturbation". Google "fingering", it's quite entertaining.
Porn? Makes me laugh. Although we watched some random HBO special last night & that got me all worked up so maybe it's just dumb bitch guy with bad hair stupid plot porn that makes me giggle.
Would you be in a relationship if the sex was bad? If you were not comfortable naked? With the lights on?
I think the only way to be completely satisfied is to be 100% comfortable with your partner. If they make you feel sexy. They know what you like. You can suggest introducing something new & they don't look at you like you are a freak.

~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The end of the season....

I seem to have missed summer. I can only recall a couple of sunny weekends. One trip to a pool. A couple nights filled with ice cream, ice cold beer, and time curled up in my ridiculously expensive outdoor papason chair. I had so many plans. Like blowing up the baby pool I bought last summer for Kai. Walking every evening after dinner. Fixing the grill. But now the great New York State Fair is here & that can only mean one thing=summer is gone. Soon Ali will be back to school. Next week I will begin my reign as VP of the PTO by setting up a breakfast for the teachers at 6:30 a.m. (gasp) Her backpack is all set & full of supplies. We are going clothes shopping again on Saturday. Brushing up on our math skills, practicing writing our name (they make her use Alexandria not Ali). I am OK with fall. The cooler temperatures. Beak & Skiff-apples, pony rides,pie & cider. Jumping in the leaves. Pumpkins. Maybe next fall I will go back to school too. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My 1st Review

I will be reading The BlackBerry Diaries by Kathy Buckworth. I am off to read now & will share my thoughts with you by the end of the weekend. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Monday, August 24, 2009


I am fascinated. I have limited myself for so long. Thinking I was open-minded yet shutting out the opposition. Limiting my friendships to those with my same mindset. Those living a life similar to mine and not too far "above" me. As "Theta Mom" commented on my blog post, "The Key to..."; there is a sisterhood among mothers. Short, tall, black, white, rich, poor, atheist, christian, pro-this, pro-that-we are women & mothers, lovers & friends. We all have a common ground.

Tonight I had a delightful dinner with my friend Sarah. We knew of each other from high school but our friendship began online. Little comments on facebook. Blurbs on Twitter. Getting to know each other day by day-online. I felt like I was going on a first date. Would we have anything to talk about in person? Within moments-we were off....talking for an hour straight before even ordering an appetizer. I love having reached an age where I am open to change. I have no need to be right. No pettiness. No competition over men, money or status. I am happy where I am. And this has opened the door to a whole new world.

Finding women who blog of faith while struggling to find my own. Reading stories of loss. Trying to fathom and appreciating what I am so very blessed to have. Trying to come to terms with letting myself down for so many years. Promises made to myself. I will forge ahead. I will be a better mother. A better friend. Make more time for myself & my partner. I will get that B.A. in Political Science & Public Administration. I will go to law school-even if it's with a walker. I am having one of those inspired moments where to want to accomplish everything. How about you? ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Key to... success? happiness? your mind? I am reading these stories written by religious women and they are deep, profound & tear-jerking. This is foreign to me. This "faith". This ability to embrace God giving us more than we can handle. The injustice of losing a child. Suffering through illness and death. Yet these women are strong, inspired, motivating and easy to relate to. They are pro-life. Causing me to redefine that term. Pro-life. For life. Aren't we all? I mean I blew the whole sex before marriage thing & I will fight for woman's' rights until I can no longer speak but I have finally begun to fathom why certain women feel this way. It started when I met my Yin. I am her Yang. She is a republican. I am a democrat. She is pro-life. I am pro-choice. She chooses her words carefully. I swear like a trucker & outside of a professional environment blurt out the first thoughts that pop into my demented mind. But we are so much alike it is frightening. We are strong, We are competitive (me more than her), we are driven & we take motherhood & friendship very seriously. I am learning. I hope I am shedding some light on this side as well. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Is that me?

in the mirror? In that bathing suit? In that thong? When in the hell did my ass morph into THIS? I hate being a hypocrite. I would tell any other woman (and mean it) that they were beautiful just the way they are. To embrace their stretch marks, flab, cellulite, curves, breasts deflated by feeding our young, etc. But telling myself is proving to be difficult. I tried explaining it to my SIL the other day. I was skinny my whole life. Annoyingly so. I never worked out & ate anything & everything I wanted. When I got preggo with my daughter I was a size 4. After having her I was a 6 or an 8. As I changed careers & started sitting on my ass I slid into a 10. A nice, comfortable, 144 lb. size 10 when I got preggo a 2nd time. After pregnancy at age 32-33, bedrest & sitting on my fat ass again as a student I stayed a 12. WHICH IS AVERAGE! But I feel "fat" The issue however is that I forget I am big. It's like I am the skinny bitch in my head & then I go to get dressed & it's like WHOA sista-you can't go there! It's very odd. My man loves my curves, our sex life is amazing & I could weigh 300 lbs. & never feel un-sexy around him. But for the 1st time in my life I avoided doing something because I didn't want to be seen in a bathing suit. First, in Alex Bay I kept my cover-up on when I went into the pool. Payback for all those women I made fun of that wore a t-shirt over their suit while swimming. Then I dreaded going to the beach with my family because my bathing suit was making me ill. I must vanquish this thin concept & find peace with my larger, flabbier self.
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

It's about that time...

To get ready to go back to school! We bought some clothes. Need some sneakers. Missed the 10 cent deals at Office Max. Almost time to shuttle 3 of the 4 of us out the door before 8 a.m. PTO meetings. School pictures. New teacher. Halloween costume. Fundraising. Ah.....good thing Labor Day is late this year. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Monday, August 17, 2009

I am having a "meltdown"

I went to the health food store today & spent nearly $200. A dear old friend of mine works there & we chatted for a few moments. At one point she said, "Look at you with all this energy, working full-time & taking care of those 2 kids!" WHO?! ME? What energy? I am running on empty. Clearly it is my insanity coming thru that people perceive as energy. I am not even awake. But here I sit, blogging. With 9 windows open between my 2 monitors. I did manage to take a shower but the thought of blow-drying my hair is exhausting. I set my alarm for 6:3 every morning & am lucky to get up by 7:15. I am the Queen of Snooze. This is my question: How do women really do this? My daughter will buy school lunches (again) this fall. I will devote my time as VP of the PTO but that's it. The housekeeper remains. I wonder if she'll put the laundry away & clean the oven. My daughter wants a blog of her own. She told me she tried to sign up for Twitter today because she wants to be just like me. She has no clue that's the biggest compliment she could pay me.
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Friday, August 14, 2009

Do you ever have moments...

...when reality hits you? I am here. I am real. This is my life.
I am {fill in the name}. Where has the time gone? Do you contemplate life, death, the meaning of it all? Why YOU are here? Do you believe in fate? I just know that something cosmic happens to bring certain people into our lives-for good & bad. I know we have choices..but are they equal? Do I reallyhave the same opportunities as everyone else? What makes me happy? What does beauty mean to me? What do I value now that meant nothing to me a decade ago? So many little time. Yet we choose to fight. To hate. To kill. Where is the Zen in all of this? Sorry for the rambling post-just in that type of mood I guess. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


If you are unsure about "something" & fate do you know if it is a punishment or a gift?
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I kissed a girl...

...and I liked it long before the catchy song came about. How can one be comfortable with their own sexuality if they don't explore?
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Twitter Moms: The Influential Moms Network

Monday, August 10, 2009


Oh to be in love. The sweet intoxication. The desire, obsession, infatuation, need, stalking (just kidding). The first kiss. The first time you have sex. The first time you get it right. Love comes in layers. When you are 15 it's infatuation. When you are 17 (and you know it all) it's obsession. In your 20's there's a need-for some more than others. Now, in my 30's-it's all of those but so much more. It's companionship, partnership, teamwork, sharing, sex without sucking in your stomach or worrying that your boobs look flat when you lie on your back. It is not so comfortable that you don't appreciate it-it's just that place where he (or she) knows when you need to be held & knows when to leave you the fuck alone. ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Sunday, August 9, 2009

If everyday could be Sunday

..and we could sleep in. and have breakfast as a family. and not clean. and take naps. and visit with friends. and cuddle. and have your little one look up at you and feel the whole world shift...
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

What has facebook done?

At least its something different.
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Basically i need to be more spontaneous...

Jung Ideal / Real Test Results

ideal you |||||| real you ||||||
Introversion |||||||||| 40%

|||||||||| 33%
Extroversion |||||||||||||||||| 76%

|||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Intuitive |||||||||||||||| 63%

|||||||||||||| 53%
Sensing |||||||||||||| 56%

|||||||||||||| 53%
Feeling |||||||||||||| 60%

|||||||||||||| 60%
Thinking |||||||||||||||||| 73%

|||||||||||||||| 63%
Judging |||||||||||||||||| 76%

|||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Perceiving |||||||||||||| 56%

|||||||||||||| 56%
ideal type - ENTJ, real type - ESTJ

type ideal real type behavior
I -3 -5 quiet, private, few friends
E 8 10 outgoing, expressive, many friends
N 4 1 random, mysterious, non linear
S 2 1 sequential, factual, practical
F 3 3 emotional, passionate, selfless
T 7 4 willful, stoic, self reliant
J 8 10 planned, regimented, orderly
P 2 2 spontaneous, playful, fun

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I just overdosed... I now have the following: Twitter, bebo, Digg, facebook & reddit + this blog. Thank God I deleted the myspace account! ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

This is what it's all about...

Fuck conventional, my family is completely abnormal, wacky, role-reversed & I love it and would not change any part of it for the world!! We don't need to be married or "normal" or fit into the nice little safe puzzle pieces of society. The more we are just "us" the more beautiful we are.
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville