Crazy As A Shithouse Rat

Crazy As A Shithouse Rat

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

3rd time is a charm...

I won my 3rd blog award~go me!! Thanks to 'Manda over at
So here are the rules (why are there always rules?)
  • Tell 7 things that you don't already know about me.
  • Name 7 other blogs to receive this award
  • Leave a comment on each of the blogs I nominated
  • Thank the person who gave you the award.
My Seven:
1. I don't drive. Ever. Panic ensues.
2. I laugh when I masturbate. I can't take myself seriously.
3. My house is a fucking pigsty.
4. My yard is totally "white trash" right now. All I'm missing is an old car on the lawn.
5. I may not decorate for the holidays at all. Is that bad? It's so commercial and ridiculous.
6. My [ex] best friend got married last week. Funny how life works, isn't it? Like if someone told you you'd be missing this person's wedding you'd be all; "No fucking way..."
7. I am going to throw a sex toy party with my incredible friend Sarah.

And I shall pass this award along to~

Catherine at
Kristen at
Mr. Lady at
The Aiming Low Gang at
Mama Kat at
Raechel at
Mrs. Call Me Crazy (we're soul mates) at

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I AM the mom that:

~will lay down & die for you
~would kill for you
~will hold you, rock you, sing to you, snuggle you, cry as I watch you sleep
~will read to you every night
~will buy you your first laptop at three & let you have a facebook profile at six
~will give in and eventually let you wear clothes with licensed characters on them (occasionally)

~will sing (really loud) with you & dance all over the house
~always has hand sanitizer, tissues & band-aids
~help you with your homework & makes you do more
~breastfed you
~is VP of the PTO
~keeps 90% of your artwork
~will stand up for you
~will teach you how to kick ass
~will let you swear because words only have the power we give them
~will ensure you don;t have sex until you are old enough to handle it

~will always know where you are
~will know what you are doing because I was the worst child EVER
~will watch movies & share a blanket with you
~will watch Spongebob Scaredy Pants 300X because it makes you happy
~will make you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes {at once} if I catch you smoking one
~will make you drink until you puke & spin the first time I catch you drinking
~will love you like crazy cakes

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I am not the mom that:

~sews buttons back on, hems, knits, crochets, etc.
~bakes from scratch
~looks her age
~acts her age
~dresses her age
~acts appropriately
~does arts & crafts
~plays board games
~takes shit from other moms

~decorates obsessively for holidays
~gives haircuts at home
~believes that talking about sex makes kids have it
~puts your father (or the "man" in my life) before you
~carries a "mom" purse
~is selfish

(OK-I baked when I had 1 kid)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I fucking rock~blog award numero 2!!

I want to thank my girl Amanda of for honoring me with this award. She is hardcore and I truly admire her courage to let it all hang out.

Here are the rules for receiving the award:

1) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
2) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded the HONEST SCRAP AWARD and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.
3) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.

Here are "10 Honest Things" about myself,Crazy Mum

1. Were it not for my children I would be an alcoholic mess. They are truly the reason I have drive, ambition, goals & hope.
2. I have anxiety, panic attacks, OCD & depression. Without Xanax I cannot function. So when I joke about mental illness I am not being a bitch-I earned the right to poke fun-it keeps me "sane".
3. I am not quite as confident as I seem. Close though.
4. I never exercise. I mean never. Ever.
5. I love sex. If I did not have children I'd probably be a tramp too. All kidding aside I have a partner that satisfies me to the fullest. I do miss the girl on girl action of my twenties however.
6. I spend way more money than I make. I can rationalize anything.
7. I lost my father when I was 28. It makes me strong yet angry & bitter as well.
He was sick for 12 years before that so we really lost "him" when I was 16.
8. I am legally blind without my glasses or contacts.
9. I miss being a SAHM and a student. I hate time away from my little ones. I hate to miss milestones. I hate not being the one to take him to Toddler's Tango & storytime. I hate that I can't pick her up from school.
10. I spend most weekends in yoga pants & flip flops.

So then, here are my seven choices to pass the award on to. I think that each of these individuals kick ass & keep it real:

Jenn of
Jill of
Miss Grace & Danielle-Lee of
Tania of
My girl Khira of~
Gal of
Mrs. Call Me Crazy of

Monday, October 12, 2009

Free the boobs...(and some ass)..fuck it-free it all!!

I posted some photos on my fan page this week. We started with boobs in honor of breast cancer month and crept into some ass for some male fans viewing pleasure. (A request) All in good taste I assure you. I had women that wanted to share & were grateful for the anonymity I offered. I had women rekindle some romance with their significant other after the suggestion of a "photo shoot". I had women e-mailing me their boobs people-how could that ever be bad???? Today I received the following message from facebook:
Hello, You uploaded a photo that violates our Terms of Use, and this photo has been removed. Facebook does not allow photos that attack an individual or group, or that contain nudity, drug use, violence, or other violations of the Terms of Use. These policies are designed to ensure Facebook remains a safe, secure and trusted environment for all users, including the many children who use the site.

A) It's a fan page-not a regular profile.
B) The link to my fan page says 18+
C) I don't allow facebook users under the age of 18 to become fans.

I am going to post the pictures here-to preserve them. Thank you ladies..

FUCK YOU-if you are the loser that reported me.  I was inspired by ~

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I'm not as young as I used to be, but I ain't as old as some.

Last night was "ladies night" with my dear old friend visiting from DE. We had a leisurely dinner with wine,a meat & cheese platter, calamari & panko crusted chicken w/sweet potato fries. Sadly we had to have cappuccino to ensure we stayed up past midnight. We went to see a show. A local talent~

We spent the majority of the night with Joe's older brother whom we went to high school with.  We drank Bud Light from cups & shook our asses a little.  I realized that I apparently can no longer wear hooker boots & stay upright for long without my feet screaming for a reprieve.   It was a show for all ages so there were many 13-15 year olds with their MOMS.  Their moms apparently thought it was a good idea to wear hippy dresses with no sides & get really drunk and attempt to dance.  One girl was sitting on the floor puking into a big 'ol garbage can before the show even started.  So we made it to just about 1:00 a.m. I'm tired today & not feeling too sexy.  I just want to know, how do I know when I've become that mom???  Gotta hurl...