Crazy As A Shithouse Rat

Crazy As A Shithouse Rat

Sunday, September 27, 2009


I am going to be an aunt again. By next June there will be a new bouncing baby Clark. Perhaps you remember my nice Gia? So, clearly this will be another baby chock full of fantabulous DNA. What does this mean for me? Shopping, getting my baby fix vicariously (so much easier on the body) and the joy our family will feel next year when he/she/they (ha) join us. Congrats to my brother & sister [in-law]! I only say "in-law" so you do not think my siblings are married with children. That's gross.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Eat the fucking cucumber!

Is this a necessary battle? Eat your [insert veggie here] please. OK, eat 4 bites. Fine, eat 2. You are not leaving this table until you eat [said veggie]! You have 2 choices, eat [the damn veggie] or go to bed!
She's in bed.
I let her choose her own ensembles on the weekends. Choose her hairstyle. I try to give her at least two options in order to maintain some control & provide her with the capabilities to make decisions on her own.
Who wins these battles? Nobody. She was sad. I was both sad & irritated. Her father was adamant that we stick to our guns. Her brother wanted to play with her.I don;t want to spend my life yelling. But I can't just allow her to rule the house. I don't want to spend the time we have together doing anything other than laughing, playing and snuggling.
I have no problem taking away the computer, t.v. time or playdates. But for some reason limiting her time with "us" is hard for me to do. For her father its a piece of cake. He works 60 hours a week. Doesn't he want to cherish the few moments he has with her every other weekend? Or is he 100% right & I'm a sap?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Feeling unlike my normally fabulous self

I feel, well; blah. Like go to bed with your hair wet, brushing your teeth is a chore, getting dressed is harder than a triathlon, falling asleep on my keyboard blah. I have nothing witty to say. Not even anything sarcastic. Nothing is wrong yet I have a bad feeling. Sometimes the monotony of life gets me down.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Bondage, Fetish & Toys...

...oh my! I am making a vow to myself that I WILL find the energy (even though I was up all night with a sick toddler) to utilize my new sex toys tonight. This will involve remembering to bring the AA batteries upstairs. Getting over the fact that I REALLY need to shave. Keeping my penis awake since he went to work on 0 hours of sleep. And, getting in the mood.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

It's like a country song..

..."It won't be like this for long" &/or "You're gonna miss this". Where the fuck does the time go once you have kids? My baby girl is nearly 7 and in 1st grade-with homework! My baby boy will be 18 months this Thursday. I honestly feel like I was pregnant a few months ago. I don't want to lose the cuddling, snuggling, hugging,kissing I still get from both of them. Soon Ali will be embarrassed by me. Kai won't relate to me. I will have time to do all the shit I complain that I don't have time to do. I don;t really want that time. I want their eyes to light up when I go into their room 1st thing in the morning. I want to hear all about their day when I get home from work. I want to put them to bed. I want to watch them sleep. I want to be so busy being their mommy that I have no time to wax my eyebrows, get a pedicure, put photos in albums, read, sleep in, go back to alphabetizing my get the idea.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

If I took care of myself... well as I take care of my children, I'd be all set. They always have: raincoats/fleece/appropriate outerwear, boots, hats, mittens, scarves,umbrellas, snacks, sunscreen, and natural bug wipes that cost $8 for 8. Take for instance today's lunch. Ali has a full tray (albeit bologna) and I have a fucking frozen TGIF quesadilla that you put in the microwave and a generic cola. WTF? Ali takes her multi vitamin every morning. They have applesauce instead of fries. Milk instead of soda. A blanket & a pillow for long car rides. Bottles full of water when it's hot out. Let's not even get into their wardrobes! Ali has salon hair-cuts, manicures and pedicures. We bought her a laptop when she was 4. Did i mention she has an i-pod nano & I only have the mini? That's it...I am on strike.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Blogging for Dummies

So when I started this whole blogging escapade it was just a place to vent. An online diary of sorts. I thought my friends would visit from time to time. I had no clue that there was this whole other world full of mommy bloggers or just how huge this social media phenomenon is. In the last 6 weeks I have actually started using my Twitter account, added AdSense & joined MomBlog, bebo, TwitterMoms, digg, reddit, stumbleupon, sitemeter, kirtsy, momlogic, blogher, blogflux, disqus & name a few. THIS IS A FUCKING FULL-TIME JOB! I have no idea how these women keep up with their blog(s) & multiple profiles. I can't be witty 24/7. I reviewed a book. I am going to review some wonderful baby blankets (more on that later). Navigating the whole "I could actually make money off of my blog" maze is exhausting. However, I have discovered hundreds of amazing women & their stories are changing my outlook on life. One "tweet", "status update" & "comment" at a time.

Saturday, September 5, 2009



 I am not 100% sure I care about this new signature flair item.
I am up late blogging cleaning.

Why is it?

...that if you say "Don't touch that.", they just HAVE to? 
If you look your best, you will run into no one. 
If you look your run into your ex & his hot new girlfriend (insert applicable scenerio here)
If you ask him what he wants for dinner his reply will be "Whatever you want."
You never have the coupon when you end up at the store..the one for 30% off that they just can't honor without it?
My cell phone is never charged when I need it to be?
When your mood is "hell yeah", theirs is "huh"
~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville

Friday, September 4, 2009

My Review of the BB Diaries

I adore this book. This book will make you want to buy a BlackBerry. I can't wait until I am due for an upgrade. I love the format of this book the most. It is quite literally a diary. So when I go to my nightstand & pick it up after nights of ignoring said nightstand & book-I can just pick it up where I left off. Kathy's definitions & tags kill me. Blarching: the lurching, arching, and general squirming about that a toddler performs when being unjustly and involuntarily put into a stringent torture device known as the "car seat." Can also be activated by the common shopping cart. Reminds me of diaper changing these days. Kathy pokes fun at herself and others when she writes about a disabled network. Like the day Twitter and facebook stopped. The book compares the BlackBerry SmartPhone (aka BBSP) to a toddler. And lists entire professions that don't require a BBSP either. My favorite entry was Hide Away, My Good Man; theories as to why men disappear. Kathy's sarcasm & wit will make any mom (worth mentioning) laugh. She's sharing the thoughts that roll around in our heads. I look forward to going back to read Journey to the Darkside: Supermom Goes Home & The Secret Life of Supermom. Check out ~Queen Crazy Mum of Insanityville