Before I had kids Father's Day meant one thing...heavy drinking. My father passed away on 12/11/03. He was extremely ill for the decade prior. Now I attempt to not be a cynical cunt once a year for the father of my children & now my own brother. Please share your stories of how hard Father's Day can be on you...for whatever reason~
4 comments:
wow. you just totally threw the 'c' word out there. go you. LOL :-)
Ha! That was my mood at the moment. I actually abhor the word but it fit.
Fathers Day is hard for me because...My father disowned me, he is an abusive man who beat my mother and denies it, she had to move into a woman's shelter in her 50's for her own safety after he pulled a gun on her and beat her a few too many times, and that doesn't even touch on the mental abuse that went on in our lives. In a sick way I still love him, and I don't care to ever talk to him, but had to interact with him when his mother, my last Grandparent passed away this Christmas. He turned his back on me during the toughest time of my life and he was the ONE person I always turned to. In a way for ME it was harder than him passing away because he is still there for my sister, and her children. Still their grandfather. Still her father. Still being "the good guy" for them. I have realized it is his loss that he doesn't know me and my children, as we are a very special bunch of people. But it makes Father's Day REALLY hard to bear. Add into that both my son's have DEAD beat dads. Ok so Bear's isn't nearly as bad as Xander's since Barrett's was NEVER in the picture and Kevin has pretty much stepped in where he never had to and become a better father than I could ever ask for for my kids. But Xander, he deserved better from the man who was in his life for the first four years. A phone call MAYBE ever week, and a card in the mail every now and again (that we know is only because his parents buy it for him and make him sign it and write in it) makes me hurt so deeply and I can't imagine the damage it is doing to my child! Father's Day pretty much SUCKS to me. But we tried to make it a happy day for Kevin today. He had his own "sad" day because his son is not with us, he is with his mom this weekend. :0(
Karla~
Fuck. I don't know where to begin. I am glad that your mother had the strength to leave.
Of course you still love him-he's your father. It totally blows but the little girls in us will always long for "daddy". Why do you think he has a relationship with your sister? How is your relationship with your sister?
You are 100% right that its his loss...but that does not make the pill any easier to swallow. From everything I have observed over the last 2 years, you are an incredibly strong woman & Kevin is a lucky man. I've only heard good things about him & I hope this continues for you and your sons.
If we were closer we could sit outside & share a drink..maybe cry a bit. For now..I am thinking of ya. Thank you for sharing.
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